Christmas comes but once a year, which is good because any more than that and you'd probably want to punch a kitten in the kidneys. Seriously, enough already. Before you get shitfaced, scream at your Nan and fall over the Christmas tree, listen to our pick of the best Yuletide songs of all time ever ever ever. It might help you feel a little less Grinch like.
This song, like all Gary Glitter songs, pretty much kicks ass. OK, so you might baulk a bit at the line "I love to hear the children sing" but god damn it, it's Christmas. Good will to all men and all that. Guys? Guys....?
Possibly the coolest Christmas song ever. It's got a Blondie vibe, plus it has the feel of all those cool 90's surf girl bands (hello Sleater Kinny) and a lovely wailing sax. Incroyable.
p.s only the original Waitresses version is acceptable. The Spice Girls version can fuck right off.
Yeah it's a cliche, but it's still fucking awesome. The video is brilliant (and has Matt Dillon in it fact fans) and the mix of Kirsty's lilt and Shane's drunken drawl (that you can almost smell the whisky on) produces, as the X Factor judges would say, 'musical magic'.
The trombones that sound like someone creeping, the perfectly executed rat a tat of the drums, Louis' wonderful gutteral howl, the excellent sound effects (whistling wind! bells!) This song is perfect.
It's not exactly a classic Ramones track, but for the simple fact that it's a Christmas song by a punk band and that it doesn't have a shit Christmas sleigh bell sound effect over the top, it gets my vote.
Two amazing versions of one classic hit for you. The first by Grace Jones manages to make a song about a little boy and his drum into an utter electro sleazefest which makes us feel dirty, a bit like getting a vibrator from Santa. The second is a masterclass in why talking should never, ever be used in songs. "Do you go in for any of the traditional things in the Bowie household at Christmas time?" "Oh yeah, most of them really, presents, trees, decorations..." Bing and Bowie work wonderfully together when they're singing but their stilted banter makes you want to hide behind the sofa and drill pencils into your ears, reminding you as it does of the most awkward date you ever had, multiplied in awkwardness a million fold. Jeepers.
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